Nona Mariotti

Community Council Spotlight

June 6, 2023.

Nona Mariotti lives in rural Frontenac County and spoke to us about her views on aging, programs and activities for seniors in the region and what motivated them to get involved with the FLA OHT.

In her own words

I was born in Kingston 78 years ago but spent much of my adult life in Toronto, raising three children, building a career in education and then retiring as an elementary school principal. One of my grandmothers used to say to me, “the Lord gave you two hands Nona: one to reach out to pull yourself forward, and one to reach back and help someone to move along.”

Little did I know that in my elderly years, I would be called upon to do just this for my husband of 58 years. Travelling this highway together from a Parkinson’s misdiagnosis to the Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus [with frontal lobe dementia by this time] has been a learning curve for both of us, our adult children, grandchildren and friends.

Thirteen years ago, my husband and I were thrown into a struggling health system completely unfamiliar to us. Generally, we found ‘age’ became predominately part of the equation expressed by most in the system despite the fact we were both physically active seniors who were still curling, golfing, biking, skiing [downhill and cross country], snowshoeing and swimming. Over time my husband’s medical doctors’ team went from six down to one, and that is our family doctor who has supported us, helped us reach a diagnosis and plan the last four-plus years on our own.

My experience as being a caregiver

My experiences as a caregiver are in constant change with a variety of challenges. Before my husband became wheelchair-bound, incontinent, and nonverbal, we enjoyed the St. Elizabeth weekly exercises for Parkinson’s. We immersed ourselves in Southern Frontenac Community Services for exercise classes, cultural activities, music and even fundraising. My husband’s needs eventually required more help and were serviced at a day program for seniors at the Grace Centre. This was good for him and me as it gave me time to look after my own needs. We even maintained [until Jan 2020] our Mirvish [members for 30 + years] theater tickets in Toronto. Our love of theatre and music and a chance to visit with friends in Toronto were highly motivational for us both.

Looking for help and support

Research tells us that we seniors want to stay in our homes, and other countries’ health systems have made this possible. If that means we require home support as caregivers, we should not have to fight for those services, which at times we almost have to beg for and still do not get enough quality help. Caregiving, for the most part, is a very private intrusion on your body, lifestyle, and everyday functioning. My Italian, 80-year-old husband had a Personal Support Worker (PSW) tell him that he was a good boy all the time she was here. The inconsistency of staff and time frames or no-shows make this experience  unhealthy for anyone experiencing cognitive problems.

The format used for home care just exacerbates the caregiver’s problems, as well as those of the person needing care. Who wants multiple people washing your body, cleaning private parts etc.? Having different people every day means I must instruct and help them as many are unable to use hoists or certain equipment. I am fortunate that I can seek out people and help but there are many who cannot. Yes, I chose to live in a rural area, but I still pay taxes and support the health-care system.

Living rurally and aging at home

We all have been told loneliness can occur in a crowd and it all becomes real when one must face the consequences of something physically debilitating to oneself or a family member without family physically nearby. However, the cohesiveness of neighbors’ support in rural settings provides the framework for dealing with chronic loneliness. Church and school communities listen to the needs of their congregations, reaching out to them by offering not just religious and learning events, but also yoga and exercise classes, musical experiences, as well as cross-generational experiences. Again, these communities also network with other services to provide eclectic activities that help all to age well at home.

Sometimes loneliness can receive the band-aid of having a daily visit of a Personal Support Worker to assist care partners with their task of physically caring for their family member. PSWs are very difficult to obtain to consistently visit homes in rural areas. Going beyond big city limits such as Kingston tends to frighten many wonderful PSWs because it requires additional driving and time. This often requires them to be in a rush and work overtime. Unless one can obtain private services [and they are difficult to find], there is a lack of consistency of personnel, and this has unbelievable repercussions on the client. We have had the experience of 15 different PSWs in 17 timeslots.

Aging with technology

I suppose one cannot address aging without recognizing our attempts to learn and keep abreast of technology. Yes, cell phones, iPads and computers have and continue to create high learning curves for everyone, but especially for seniors. Regretfully, for too many seniors in some rural areas' their attempts to climb on board with technology can’t happen because of a lack of service providers in the area. All too often if they require internet service the monetary cost is just too steep for those seniors to handle with their meagre fixed income.  This prevents many people from interacting with their programs and families or becoming involved with educational and support courses that are online.

Why I participate and share my experiences with the FLA OHT

I joined the FLA OHT committees hoping that I could ensure the committee knows what is happening and what is not happening rurally. We seniors need help.

This 14-year evolution has had me reach out to volunteer to be on committees involved with the revision of our health-care system. I know what it is like to speak the language, have a monetary safety net, a supportive family, a great family doctor, and my own health. There are many out here in rural Frontenac without all of these things and more. I feel my limited experience can help pull them forward by monitoring and addressing issues that arise.